Sexual Healing
COMMON SEXUALITY ISSUES
Sexual issues cover many areas and problems. Below are a list that you may find familiar.
• Not wanting sex. If you find that you aren’t responsive to your partner’s overtures, and it is causing conflict we can explore the cause and what to do about it.
• When your partner loses interest.
• A partner’s sexual addiction. This is when your partner wants to be sexual far more than you do, and finds it intolerable to be told no. Or when he or she is overly interested in Internet porn or other stimulation. You may have a nagging feeling he or she is engaged in sexual activities not being revealed.
• Believe you maybe addicted to sex.
• Afraid you maybe addicted to romance novels.
• When you or your mate view sex as love.
• Having affairs, or wanting to.
• Sexual or romantic fantasy about others.
• Sexual arousers that feel offensive to one partner, but essential to the other. This may include porn or bondage.
• Feeling shameful or bad after sex.
• Difficulty saying "no" when you don't really want sex.
These and other issues around sex or relationships can be addressed in psychotherapy. Individual sessions are usually preferred in the beginning, and then group therapy can take shame down even better. It is empowering to see that many others have the very same issues and concerns.
CULTURAL RULES INTERFERE WITH SEXUAL EASE
These and other rules are described in more detail in Dr. Anne Hastings' book, Reclaiming Healthy Sexual Energy: Revised, available on Amazon.com.
• We are required to have sex if we are in a coupled relationship. This creates pressure that actually interferes with natural desire for sex.
• Don't Talk About Sex. We are allowed to joke and flirt and obtain sexual stimulation by talking about sex, but open, revealing, honest conversation brings up shame. Talking in groups can heal sexual shame.
• Sex Is Love. Sex creates sexual bonding into a couple, but doesn’t indicate the amount of love that exists.
• We Have To Satisfy A Sex Drive. Many sex addicts discover that it is possible to live entirely without sex, then discover that truly elective sex brings freedom to use it lovingly, enhancing his or her experience of life.
• We Must Have "Sexy" Bodies And "Good-Looking" Faces. Many people are cursed with sexual shame that requires intense stimulation for arousal, which includes sexiness of the partner. Then shame comes for those who don’t turn their partner on.
• Flirting Is "Innocent." Flirting is only healthy when expressed toward a partner, or when single and introducing sexual interest toward available people.
• "Real Men" Are Good Lovers. Trying to be a good lover will not make someone a good lover. Instead, people can discover loving, bonding, pleasurable sexuality.
