Blog Posts
Meditate Out of Avoidant Attachment
You have discovered that avoidant attachment leaves you feeling alone, maybe even depressed. You feel the need to pull away from others in order to keep a sense of yourself. True to yourself. But it can be lonely. Meditation offers a way to begin a healing change process while maintaining the avoidant style. Don’t make […]
Why Are Twenty Year Olds Using Viagra!
Are you a man who can’t get naturally aroused with your partner? Are you the partner of a man who can’t get naturally aroused with you? Young men, in their twenties can become unable to become aroused when with a woman they care for. Viagra is becoming normal for them, and doesn’t work for many. […]
Bring Sex and Love Together, The Value of Healing Sexual Shame
My Transformational Fiction novel number four is up on Kindle! I really enjoyed writing this book, as my character, Grace, was so able to learn about sexual distortions, and give voice to a marvelous understanding of sexual shame and the “shame compartment.” It was quite an experience for me to be amazed at what she […]
How Do You “Attach” To People, And To Life?
Attachment Theory is based on long standing research about how children attach to their parents, and how couples attach to each other. The three basic styles are: Anxious Attachment Secure Attachment Avoidant Attachment These fall along a continuum from very anxious to very avoidant, such as recluses who relate with almost no one. Where do […]
Self Hate, Putting Yourself Down
Shame is a dominate obstacle to finding our way to the best way to live, to work, and to love. We avoid that awful emotion, and fear it. When we fear it, we don’t do what is correct for us to do. We become afraid of all those shame-worthy things, like being more successful than […]
Healing Sexual Problems
Are you interested in a videoconference therapy group? I wrote Reclaiming Healthy Sexual Energy: Revised to help individuals and couples heal their sexuality. You can start there, at Amazon, and then decide what you would like to do next. If sexual abuse, or arguments about sex are your focus, therapy can help. If addiction is […]
Circular Arguments
You bring up a problem, your partner or friend feels guilty or shamed, and tells you what you did that was a problem. Then you get defensive because his or her tone implies that you are causing harm. So you shame back as you tell him what he did wrong. Of course he feels attacked, […]
Loneliness, Isolation, Feeling Separate
Do you feel lonely, or as if you are alone even when around others? Do you feel different from others, and not understood? Does it seem to make no sense, as others seem to be engaging openly and seem satisfied with how things are? Loneliness, isolation, separation, and alienation are caused by our culture. It […]
Are Men the Bad Gender and Women the Good Gender?
Women have seen men as the lucky ones – making more money, being in control, etc. But men, in a more hidden way, are seen as the bad gender and women the good gender. This interferes with men and women being in relationship. It goes like this: Women shame men. We often don’t know it […]
When We Say, “All They Want is Sex,” We Harm Men
It is generally believed that men need lots of sex, that they think about it all the time, that they value looking at sexy women, and divide women into body parts. They are seen as dirty, lustful and inappropriate. Then they are criticized for being this way. Men are defined as sexually shameful. Purely by […]