Online Dating Advice and Tips

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ONLINE DATING, REALLY? YES. 

Millions of people are looking for love on dating sites. What makes it hard to find a person you would want to date on these sites? How can you narrow it down, omitting those who will be a waste of time?

First of all, just have a good time! View the whole thing as a place to be curious and see what happens. If you don’t have expectations of finding someone right away, you will have more freedom to be yourself, and be choosy.

We become safe when we know that we won’t settle for less than anything that will genuinely add to our lives. A large proportion of single people are eager to find someone. If you are too eager, or even desperate, you may settle for someone who isn’t right for you. Or you may allow yourself to be badly treated, which shows your date how it will be acceptable to treat you in the future.

Good initial sentences: I am open and honest and have nothing to hide. Someone to share my life including my dog and horse.

Meaningless sentences: Someone who doesn’t play games. I work hard, play hard and love hard. Most people would say I am sincere and friendly. To thine own self be true. The one true happiness is to love and be loved.

These sound nice, but do you really know what these things mean? They are clichés, and you must make up what they mean.

Pictures: why would someone put up a poor picture, or one showing depression? Professionally taken pictures don’t reveal the real person beyond on the basics. At the same time, do project the best, real stuff about you. But avoid sexiness or glamour that you aren’t going to project all the time.

Talk about yourself in real ways, and very specifically so the other person can grasp who you are. Then you avoid others being negative when they discover that you aren’t what you presented.

BE PICKY!

The way to become picky is to create a life in which you are happy and satisfied without a partner. Find others to do those activities you don’t want to do alone. Go to MeetUp.com to find others who share your interests. When you life feels rich and full, then adding a partner becomes something to only add to your life. It is no longer needed. This is possible. The world is full of people who have accomplished this. I know a number of women who have great networks of friends who elect to have a male companion who doesn’t become a partner. They have someone to travel with and have some of the relating possible with a partner. I myself want the full out relationship I describe in Create New Love, but I won’t settle for anything short of someone wanting the same thing.

Here are a few examples of people to avoid:

1. When he sends you a clearly pasted-in second email. The first one, perhaps that’s okay. He may just fish among many interesting seeming women. But when you write back and ask specific questions, such as, what did you like in my profile, you want more. If there is no response, and just more sentences, stop there.

2. If she writes in a way that demonstrates English as a very second language, this is not someone who lives nearby. This is not likely to go anywhere.

3. If he becomes overly romantic and assures you that you are the one when the only contact you have had is email, don’t expect anything real. He may be having fun at your expense. If not, then he lives in an unreal world. I continued emailing one man out of curiosity who assured me that the signs indicated we were soul mates, and that a business deal netting almost a million dollars was coming through because of his relationship with me. It was quite entertaining! But when it came time to meet, excuses appeared. I finally got tired of the game, and stopped writing.

4. If she is demanding or mean, and expects you to take care of her while she offers little, be prepared. One woman wanted to go dancing on the first date. She was a proficient dancer. It turned out that he wasn’t. She criticized him for that, expected him to pay for her fee at the dance club, and her dinner even while she knew that she didn’t want to see him again. She spoke critically of him for not automatically doing all of this. What does that suggest about the nature of a relationship with her? You would be expected to provide for her even while she finds fault with you.

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