Online Dating Profiles that are Too, Too Nice
ONLINE DATING PROFILES THAT ARE TOO, TOO NICE
When I first went on dating sites I actually thought that pleasant statements really meant something about the person. But after practice I learned that they had a Pollyanna view of life, or they had their profile written by a professional, or they combined all the positive traits that were listed in profiles they read!
Here are some excerpts from one man: “I’m a really easy going type of person and it doesn’t take a lot of effort for me to be happy. I love the outdoors, a warm sunny day and a soft breeze against my face, that is the ultimate.”
These are his first two sentences. Can you see that he is trying to get you to feel the warm sun and breeze? While we all enjoy this, these sentences don’t really communicate anything about this person. “A bowl of popcorn and a good movie on a cold and rainy night will also make me very content.”
“A cold and rainy night,” and “A dark and stormy night,” are classic introductions to novels or short stories. It’s just a cliché. And, we have so few cold and rainy nights in Southern California that this is always suspicious. I’m surprised that he didn’t include walking on the beach, as these usually go together in profiles. “I’ve been told that I have a great sense of humor and I tend to be playful when I feel comfortable with another person. I’m also affectionate and caring, I love to hold hands in public and to cuddle in private and sometimes I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve.” Isn’t this just the perfect man? Sense of humor, playful, affection, and caring. And then the heart on the sleeve! The intent is to get you to open to this wonderful, safe man who will of course love you forever. He is right out of a romance novel, and even his pictures portray a good looking, sexy guy. The sexy is broadcast by the expressions on his face.
“I don’t mind compromising when I don’t get my way. My dad was a great roll model for me, I saw the way he treated my mother with love and respect. That had a great influence on how I treat women today, that probably explains why I still open the door for a lady.” Yikes! He comes from a great family, he opens doors, and he will compromise. What more could you ask for? “I live my life with honesty and integrity and always try to do the right thing whether I’m being watched or not. I treat people the way that I hope to be treated.” Can you believe it? Isn’t this scripted out of a romance novel? But he is not the only man who writes this way. I assume women do, too, but I don’t read their profiles.
DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING THIS MAN SAYS.
While he might like popcorn and movies, and opens car doors, this global nice-guy presentation is false. He set out to get women to fall head over heels in desire for him, to be swept away. He reveals absolutely nothing real about himself. (Now I’m using clichés!)
His last section talks about valuing friends, always there for them, how family is important, he’ll make time for them, his sons are the center of his universe, and carry his values. Of course he’s financially responsible, and is a homeowner, has a great work ethic, stays fit, comfortable in both a tux and jeans, and life has been a fantastic journey! I actually laughed when I got to that part.
He is divorced. Did he end it? Did she? Why? There is no allusion to the pain. Was it all her fault, or did he learn something? Not that people talk about their divorces on their dating profiles, but when people present themselves as perfect, we know that a very lot of information is left aside.
WHAT TO BELIEVE
I want to see a person’s humanness. One man said that he use to be shy, but overcame it through requirements of his work. That’s appealing. Those who tell you that they are lonely, or they want companionship, let us see that they experience a need they are wanting to fulfill. Those who can reveal how they love their work, or how they raised a child themselves, show us something about who they are, what their lives are like. But these absolutely wonderful global descriptions do not reveal anything more than a good writer who spins.
Yes, this is spinning.
Otherwise known as exaggerating.
Otherwise known as lying!
At the end of his profile, our spinner tells us what kind of business he runs, and I wonder if he is searching for business. Women would feel safe having him in their homes which would be necessary. Even married women might enjoy fantasizing about this caring, honest, respectful and hot man!
The main point here is that:
YOU DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS OR WHAT HE WANTS
Proceed with caution. Ask a lot of questions and see how he handles them. Be cautious about his compliments as they could very well be used to pull you into a romantic exchange that could end badly. This man is not honest. He is not transparent. He has compartments that you won’t be invited in to. I would recommend passing him by and going on to the next profile.