Shedding Shame, the Dreadful Emotion

Every single person caries this dreadful emotion. Shame. It is the underpinning of almost all distress, almost all emotional issues, almost all reluctance to fully claim your life. Knowing this, then you know that there is something you can do about it. Shame is what holds us back from self care, from discovering who we are and living it, from having boundaries around how we will interact with others. Releasing shame allows changing from a sheep to someone making their own decisions, who automatically lives with meaning and purpose. More than a glass half full, there is no glass. No external measure of goodness because it is all good.

Sounds too good to be true? Walk with me through the shaming going on around us all day every day. See it for what it is so you can stop joining in. Stop shaming, refuse to be shamed, stop gossiping, stop criticizing. Instead seeing, and deciding the best course of action. And doing it.

First we all need to rip ourselves loose from the control this dreadful emotion has on us. My book, Shedding Shame and Claiming Freedom,shows you the hundreds of ways shame influences our lives, and everyone else’s. The second section walks through the process of healing ourselves from the harm caused. Shame can be put in its place, seen for what it is, and released from our cells.

I wrote about it because shame is so little understood. All of us have organized our lives to prevent the experience of it, and so we can’t see it. When it comes in the form of self hate or feeling like a failure it is obvious. But when we feel compelled to win or see ourselves as superior it can be difficult to see that this is how we try to not feel that dreadful emotion. Perfectionism is a painful approach to believing we don’t have to feel shame. So does working on being a good person. And trying to find meaning and purpose.

While we can learn to offset the emotion, it still brings negative feelings that are difficult to see. Loneliness, separation, not fitting in, and not belonging come from shame. Awkwardness in social situations. Developing narcissism in an attempt to assure worth. These are symptoms of shame.

I wrote Shame and Jesusafter seeing how many seriously practicing Christians continue to carry shame. The practice of forgiveness and reconciliation aren’t sufficient as the rates of personal and social issues are the same or greater for religious people. While I am not a practicing Christian, I understand that Jesus came to teach us about love. Why have his teaching, followed by millions and millions of people, not brought peace in the world? And happiness to all? Religion hasn’t helped people address bad feelings about ourselves that are not based on what we have done. Instead, we continue to carry that internalized shame from being unwanted as a child, and for taking on the shaming directed at us. Feelings that cannot be forgiven because we didn’t cause them.


Now we can learn how to use love to heal ourselves.

These books show how to first see, and then repair. If you find this of value, come join us for video conferencing groups. Leave me an email with your interest, and a little about yourself.

I so look forward to getting to know you.


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