Meditate Out of Avoidant Attachment

You have discovered that avoidant attachment leaves you feeling alone, maybe even depressed. You feel the need to pull away from others in order to keep a sense of yourself. True to yourself. But it can be lonely.

Meditation offers a way to begin a healing change process while maintaining the avoidant style. Don’t make yourself change. Start where you are and discover what changes.

I found a newer kind of meditation that makes it possible to choose how you want to be, and to make it happen. I am committed to this kind of practice for addressing all sorts of issues. It is the scientifically created work of Dr. Joe Dispenza whose talks and meditations can be found on YouTube and Amazon.

I am a recovering avoidant attacher, so I know what it’s like when things aren’t quite right but you can’t figure out why. Back when I had one close friend and a few acquaintances it seemed normal. But the idea of going to therapy to change something made no sense. Even though I myself was a therapist, I didn’t know how to talk with someone about my “issues.” I didn’t know what was wrong when things were going along okay.

Women bring husbands or boyfriends to therapy because of their avoidant style. They feel abandoned or neglected, as if they don’t have a partner. But the partner says nothing is wrong, they like their work, their sports, their hobbies. They like time on their own. The spouse needs to get use to it. It’s just the way it is.

I understand. I’ve been there.

You may compromise, and agree to spend more time with the complaining one, to give up alone activities, to abandon hobbies. But of course you won’t like it. You’ll resent it. Perhaps make her pay with passive aggression.

But how to heal it? Opening up in therapy? What would you talk about, anyway?

So here’s where I have a new take on how avoidant attachers can look at themselves. Dr. Joe Dispenza’s guided meditations, and massive amount of science that supports the methods, offers an avenue unlike regular therapy. You don’t sit down and try to figure out how to talk about it.

You listen to a Dispenza lecture, and then meditate with him. And discover what happens.

I have therapy groups in my office, and on video conferencing, that do include talking about it, but now we have Dispenza’s methods to make it obvious what to talk about. How to get started.

At last I feel qualified to help avoidant attachers discover what they can do in order to connect more fully with others, how they can change themselves instead of just changing behavior. I understand how to help you make changes that feel good to you, not just to those who want you to be different.

A woman saw me with her husband because of conflicts. He became engaged in deep healing work, but she couldn’t perceive any need beyond changing him. Finally when I introduced her to Dispenza’s meditation, she was able to look at what she could change in order to be more comfortable in the marriage. Where my usual therapy questions led nowhere, this unique form of meditation allowed her to find a change route.

After using Dispenza’ meditations for six months, and going to three workshops, I have found myself changing in ways I didn’t know would feel good! I didn’t have to decide what to change, I just did the practice and discovered improvements. Cool.

One unexpected benefit is the drop in my stress hormones. This means feeling more calm, and removing a cause of illness.

If you would like to talk about becoming involved in meditation and therapy, call me at 805-987-5647. Or email ahasti555@aol.com.

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