How Sex Can Repair Attachment Deprivation
All of us were deprived of the full on attachment with our mothers because of the society we live in. Babies need to stay in contact with their mother, the body they came out of, in order to attach well. It took attachment theory research to get hospitals to allow this to happen, in contrast to recent days when the baby was shipped off to a nursery right after birth. I saw my son for the first time the next day.
Added to that initial loss is the frequency of further abandonment, and also abuse of attachment needs.
What commonly emerges is a fascination with the connection that sex and affection can bring. They seem to be the kind of attention we needed as babies.
And it is!
You can learn to use sex for it’s intended purposes – attachment to another human being, and giving and receiving love. By consciously engaging sexually with your partner, you can use sex as a lab to change old programming and engage new. Read my book, Reclaiming Healthy Sexual Energy for how to use as a lab instead of an activity with a beginning and end. As you become conscious of what you missed as a child and feel as if you still are, and of abuses of your sexuality, you have a starting place to heal both of you. Making the unconscious conscious is the beginning. Eye contact. Going slowly. No goals or expectations. Staying int the moment. Feeling the fear that will come with this look at sex.
You can grieve out the missing attachment needs from childhood. You can let go of fear of trusting and being vulnerable. And attach to each other.
There is more: